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Old 06-18-2010, 03:17 AM   #1
Shadow 1
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Default Women vs. Men Oil Change

A friend of mine sent this to me and some of it rings true for me so I thought I would share. I will say for the record though that her one big mistake was taking it to where she did, lol.





how to change your oil, women vs men


Women:

1. Pull in to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 since the last oil change

2. Drink a cup of coffee

3. Fifteen minutes later, pay $25 and leave with a properly maintained Jeep



Men:

1. Go to NAPA Auto Parts and pay $30 for oil, filter, hand cleaner, scented tree air freshener, and numerous other items you realize you need

2. Discover that your used oil collection container is full; take it to the recycling center

3. Spend 20 minutes trying to locate your floor jack and jack stands; no luck

4. Have a beer; you don't really need to jack up the Jeep anyway

5. Place used oil collection container under the engine

6. Pull out socket wrench and socket; the 5th one you try is finally the correct size

7. Unscrew oil drain plug

8. Drop drain plug in oil; splashing hot oil all over you (and the garage floor) in the process

9. Wipe off face with dirty shop rag and sprinkle kitty litter on garage floor where oil splashed

10. Have another beer while oil is draining

11. Look 15 minutes for oil filter wrench; no luck

12. Poke oil filter with a Phillips screwdriver and twist it off

13. Wipe oil off of your arm with same dirty rag used in step 9; sprinkle more kitty litter on floor

14. Buddy shows up; finish off 6-pack with him. Screw the oil change; finish it tomorrow!

15. Next day, drag full oil collection container out from underneath the Jeep

16. Sprinkle more kitty litter on oil spilled during step 15

17. Have a . . . wait, no beer left, drank it all yesterday

18. Walk 2 miles to Corner Store; buy more beer

19. Apply a thin coat of clean oil to gasket and install new oil filter

20. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine

21. Remember drain plug from step 8!

22. Scramble to find drain plug in oil collection container

23. Hurry to replace drain plug before entire quart of fresh oil drains all over floor

24. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame; band head on floor board in reaction

25. Begin cussing fit and throw wrench across garage

26. Clean up and apply Band-Aid to knuckles

27. Sprinkle kitty litter on one entire quart of fresh oil now pooled under the Jeep

28. Have another beer

29. Dump in remainder of oil into engine

30. Realize that while you were under the Jeep, it would have been a good time to grease everything, bleed the brakes, replace those dry-rotted body spacers, and find out where that hideous clanking noise is coming from

31. Drive back to NAPA and buy another $150 worth of parts that either won't fit, will break when you try to install them, or will be saved for a later project (all of which will have long been misplaced by the time you are ready to start subject project)

32. Drive Jeep (1-quart low of oil) for 7,000 miles; then return to Step 1
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Old 06-18-2010, 11:41 PM   #2
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haha that gave me a good laugh, because i just did step 21(my mind was wondering obviously) on the last oil change on my truck.

mike
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Old 06-19-2010, 01:42 AM   #3
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A friend of mine sent that to me a few years back, the men section must be the most disorganized non car guy in the world. How can he possibly not know what he needs for an oil change?
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Old 06-21-2010, 03:48 AM   #4
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Possibly a rookie? I don't know, with my memory it wouldn't surprise me if I missed a few things, and I have.
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Old 06-22-2010, 08:20 PM   #5
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How about steps 29A and 29B?

29A. Check dipstick.

29B. Remember that 5.0s have two drain plugs; remove both plugs and return to step 8.
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Old 06-22-2010, 08:22 PM   #6
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there are 2 drain plugs? Does this mean that i have been doing it wrong?
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Old 06-23-2010, 10:09 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J_McCann
there are 2 drain plugs? Does this mean that i have been doing it wrong?
Hope your joking!!!
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Old 06-24-2010, 12:09 PM   #8
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100 percent serious. had no idea there was a 2nd drain plug. by looking at pics of oil pans i am assuming that the front drain plu gets removed when the car is back on the ground and not on the ramps?
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Old 06-26-2010, 12:17 AM   #9
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I actually got in an arguement at the Ford Dealer several years ago, was trying to buy 2 drainplug gaskets and the guy was refusing to give me the 2nd one and was trying to tell me I was draining the transmission.
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Old 06-26-2010, 12:56 PM   #10
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Sorry, I thought it was common knowledge. Yeah, the front plug is just above the anti-sway bar. I never worried about it being on the ground or ramp- it should drain either way- unless your ramps are really steep.
That double sump is the reason you have to lift the engine to replace the oil pan. (I hope I never have to!)
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To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical. Thomas Jefferson
“The best government is that which governs least.”
variously attributed

A/R "Swirl" wheels
FRPP clutch/flywheel
subframe connectors
BBK catted H-Pipe
Flowmaster American Thunder exhaust
Edelbrock Performer Intake Manifold

Click HERE to REGISTER YOUR GT!
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Old 06-26-2010, 06:19 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jerry: BLACK 85 GT h/b
Sorry, I thought it was common knowledge. Yeah, the front plug is just above the anti-sway bar. I never worried about it being on the ground or ramp- it should drain either way- unless your ramps are really steep.
That double sump is the reason you have to lift the engine to replace the oil pan. (I hope I never have to!)
Its fine jerry. I should have known it was there. it makes perfect sense being double sump and all
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Old 06-28-2010, 10:42 AM   #12
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Actually it makes sense why there is 2 of um, but like some of the others I didn't know about 2 and I've never crawled under a stang with an engine either, lol.
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Women are like cars, sometimes you find one you fall in love with, and sometimes you end up with a lemon.
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Old 07-09-2010, 01:10 AM   #13
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I just drained the oil in the 89 and jacked the back end up with the front on jack stands and only a dribble came out. I would say it's not worth the effort - just drain the oil with the car on the jack stands or ramps.

The reason I mentioned the two plugs is because I found out the hard way. The first time I drained the oil out of tehe 85, I only drained the front part of the pan and didn't pay any attention to how much oil came out. So I put the new oil filter on and put in 5 quarts and check the oil and holy smokes it's WAY up the dip stick. Feeling like a dip stick, I crawled back under the car and drained out the 7 or 8 quarts that were in it and started over...
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Old 07-09-2010, 01:10 AM   #14
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Oops - hit the submit button twice, so you get to see two posts with my avatar in a row. Another
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